CHAPTER ONE
Carnival Expenses Crunch

Woking & Horsell 224-8
Steve Wernberg 72
Carl Dingwall 43*

Weybridge Vandals 156-6

W&H Winning draw
Man of the match Steve Wernberg

My mum told me not to talk to strangers, just as well I ignored her (probably explains why I’ve got fillings) as we wouldn’t have had a team! We had more drop-outs than Kings Cross, the Paras and the England rugby team put together. This revived fond memories of my life as the 4th team captain. The great telephone conversations of the past ‘You don’t know me but would you like a game of cricket this Saturday’ or the old favourite ‘Have you heard of Ian Botham?- ‘err, yes, why?’- ‘Well your playing cricket with me on Saturday then!’

Credit crunch, recession, ha! O2 are relieved the cricket season has started and I’m still captain. Anyway, my calls will be levied against my club expenses which are already over the £500k mark for 2009.  Unfortunately, the Fullers league has implemented a rule this year that all captains’ expenses must be published.  In my defence I thought the park needed £50k worth of toilet accessories, it’s just unfortunate that a lot of the bog stock was found in my bourgeois flat in Weybridge.  Before you say anything, yes the flat was claimed for as well.  I needed somewhere to stay outside Woking before big match days so I could focus myself without getting tangled up with the pre match buzz and tension in the town.  Money well spent I feel, I’m sure you agree, I know my maids do, its ok they all originate from within the EU and they work very hard.

My match plans and focus were constantly interrupted this week by Jerry ‘Green’ Day and ‘Elvis’ Ving-Singer.  They wanted Onions but he was playing at the test match, however I had Aberdeen Angus, best left rare as gets most vocal if well done.  However, he would go well with Onions but Munster Munch or Curly Wurleys are usually more preferable.  To Mars bar or to Crunchie that is the question. This is much ado about nothing for the spin Merchant of Woking.

Ground control to Major Charlie, commencing count down, engines on…………. Here as I’m sitting in my tin can waiting for my team to turn up…………….  Its time to leave the capsule if I dare................  I must admit I’m floating in a most a peculiar way, the players look very different today…….. The park track is green and there’s nothing I can do………  Tell the bar chairman I love him very much, he knows………….can you hear me Major Charlie.

I think that’s enough about the match. Sorry, I will try and get some non match views in next time.

London Pride moment- the illustrious skipper hitting the teams’ first league runs of the season. Close second, but only second, Steve’s batting as we were 15 for 3 at one stage!

Lemon Tango moment- quote from Angus- ‘why has Hardeep got Kapoor written on his shirt!

Next week we will review Angus’s debut as Richard III and understand why dolphins are the major cause of the current economic crisis.   Book now for your edition of carnival weekly for an in depth review of the W&H 3rd team.

 
 
 


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