29 May

Guildford City 269-4


by Mike Walsh



SUNDAY:  Hungover from drowning my sorrows from another well crafted defeat and realise I've lost my mobile phone.  No worries there then, well I mean I hardly use it in my role as skipper!  Spend several hours trying to contact O2 to cancel phone.

Build an RSPB standard conservatory in my garden to observe why the blackbird tilts forward and raises its tail feathers when it sits on my fence.

MONDAY: Spend several hours in attempting to contact O2 and in their shop trying to obtain a new phone.  Been re-assured phone will be in use by the evening.

Have 6 players only available.  Have £5 of 10 pences to go to the public phone box as mobile is not operational yet, to ring the world for availability.

TUESDAY: See first sentence for Monday.

Car whitewashed by the WPLA (Wood Pigeon Liberation Army) as they fel that blackbirds have been mentioned too much in match reports and they have been overlooked.  Happy now!

WEDNESDAY: See first sentence for Monday

Car whitewashed by the CDT (Collared Dove Tigers)  This organisation realised they would get publicity if they crapped all over my car.  Please note that any pooing from a great height will never again be published.

THURSDAY:  After several days , finally have a phone.  Been through the carrier pigeons, 74 bloodhounds, 17 racehorses and 2 rolls of cellotape.  Found out that I hadn't lost my phone, it had just exploded due to overuse.

FRIDAY:  Call press conference just like the great English Test Captain that I was compared to in a previous report, Nasser Hussain.  All the major papers from around the globe attend, the Horsell Herald, The Knaphill Chronicle, the Bisley Times and the Chobham Sport.  Unlike Nasser Hussain I feel its time to bow out whilst at the lowest point of my career.  Unfortunately no replacements!

SATURDAY: Panned by Guildford City whose paid overseas player decides to despatch my bowlers out of the Park on several occasions.  Five balls lost!  Most enjoyable afternoon after such a lovely week!

Golden Orfe Moment - Being put out of my misery!

Mad Chaff syndrome - O2s wonderful customer service.  The WPLA and CDT have been told that O2 are an anti-bird establishment!


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