WHCC 138 AO - N Cheetham 79
by Mike Walsh
There I was, trundling through Woking on Monday morning when I heard a shout from a cricketing enthusiast (autograph hunter), call out, "have you heard Vaughan is injured and you're in the shortlist to replace him." Could it be true, my first Test, captain and at the home of cricket. Would the England Management fall back on the experience of Hussain, look forward to Trescothick or go for the element of surprise, Walsh?
Obviously, the England management were impressed by the performance of the Carnival the previous week against West Byfleet. The selectors were more impressed than a Monet masterpiece. Duncan Fletcher was apparently quoted in an unnamed tabloid to have said, "Walsh showed more tactical leadership than Napoleon. How can we not consider him?"
Soon carrier pigeons of support came in. The Carnival players were very keen to see their skipper voted in as it would not do their claim for a Test place any harm. Could the England team see a revolution? Walsh and Trescothick opening the batting, Fowles and Harmison steaming in, Moon taking up the glovework and Zafar taking over from Flintoff as he doesn't get on with it enough.
Can't believe we were overlooked. More shocking than 20 pylons and more depressing than a region where barometric pressure is less than that of its surroundings. The majority of the depressions that cross the British mainland (mainly the Park) are from the Atlantic.
Didn't happen, so lets move on, but at least we wre in the selectors thoughts!?! Addlestone and Hamm Moor, reigning league champions, brought their style of alcoholic fermented apple juice and the meat from the upper part of an oinkers leg smoked, into the game. There was, to note, some extremely poor acting of uncultivated heather, the red grouse was not suitably overcome with joy.
To the match you cry, to the match. Batted first, steady at 53-2 from 21 overs, 113-3 from 33 overs and then the fondue hit the melting pot. the major contribution from the Rt Hon. Treasurer Neil Cheetham scoring 76. A lacklustre approach in the field lead to many dropped catches and the use of seven bowlers to try to find a breakthrough. We lost and were undone by a much better team.
The Golden Orfe Moment - Neil's attempt to ruin a poor match by scoring a patiently crafted innings of 76.
Mad Chaffinch Syndrome - Spectator Angus Hargan (Quiksilver to his mates), Billy's 8 year old son eating crisps from a Tardis packet and then cover driving a ball purposely into my car!