Water, water, everywhere,
            And all the boards did shrink;
            Water, water, every where,
            Nor any drop to drink.
                      
Samuel Taylor Coleridge or Steve Harris (depending on the version you like)

W&H        164-6        Steve Wernberg 56, Jamie McMahon 32
Normandy    156ao        Indika Fernando  3-35

Due to the drought conditions spent most of the winter chasing those blasted camels out of the garden, there was spit everywhere and they destroyed my desert roses.  You have good intentions to make your garden look beautiful and feed the birds but those flipping camels constantly jump over and destroy my fence and sand dunes by chasing the vultures.  They have become so annoying I have had to invest in one of those anti camel deterrents.  I recommend them if you are having similar camel infestations. However, this problem has abated since the monsoon season started.  They are based on infra red technology when it detects movement in the garden a nomad comes rushing out of your shed and starts whipping the camels. Unfortunately, I forgot to turn it off when I was doing the gardening the other day and was chased around my housing estate by a pack of nomads who wanted to milk me. Spent five hours up a tree waiting for them to get lost. I wont do that again.

Although glad to see the rains to dispense of the above the problem I didn’t see the impact it would have on cricket.  In the good old days you got selected because you had a car. Now you got the nod if you had a boat, a float, arm bands or a rubber ring (especially if it is in the shape of the Loch Ness monster).

This was our a third attempt at a league match this season and had already been away to Cheam and got no cricket. Thankfully some pirates  could be bribed that day with some pieces of eight and rowed us to the fixture albeit we got lost at the second left after the Dead Mans Chest turning.  Not only losing the venue there was an issue of where was Steve the captain and that flaming fish (no he wasn’t on fire its just a term of annoyance, albeit good effort to be flaming in the sea). Yes I am aware BP could make that happen.

Where was he, Steve not the fish. The fish has no relevance to the match unlike the camels. Had he wintered well, was he in South Africa was he going to take a different sporting role? Apparently no one had been ruled out of the England football mangers job not even Harry, not even Steve, not even that irritating fish although the Camels had been pulled out of the running by being involved in some scandal behind the pyramids.  Anyway the thought of Steve leading us into Euro 2012 was a possibility. The England cricket team was full of SA boys, in fact he just missed out to Bairstow in the last test as he wouldn’t detach himself from the camel story, so why not? I can see it now at Steve’s press conference ‘ The boy Ayling is a cracking lad but when we needed someone to hold the ball up in the last few minutes he kept swinging and missing’

Thankfully he decided against another sporting career move and graced us upon a new hallowed turf at Westfield.  The openers batted in arguably the worst batting conditions of the season so far, in fact their runs should be quadrupled for fantasy league purposes. Amazing effort from the opening batsmen, they wear the W&H lion badge with pride, they’re heroes.  The crowd went crazy at every run. They were ably assisted by Steve and Jamie afterwards when the boundaries seemed to be moved in by about 50 yards so we could get the OAP crown green bowlers into the ground.

Although there was more rust on the pitch than the Titanic W&H tried to grab defeat from the jaws of victory.  With a commendable effort from the lad Ayling who was spotted coming out of a nightclub the previous night. As punishment he was immediately selected to open the bowling, represent England in the Euros and partner that agitating fish in the doubles synchronising swimming for the Olympics. Indy 500 mph took the big wicket with one of his big reverse swinging phantom jet balls to destroy the oppositions main batsman stumps.  Tension and early M chat of relegation eased when wickets where taken thereafter to see a first win at their new home ground.  The crowd went crazy, one of them even stuck  a pencil in their ear and put a pair of stopped underpants on their head they went so mad.

Key Moment
Indy’s reverse swinging 500mph phantom ball

Turkey Moment
The lad Ayling being sledged by a 90 year old crown green bowler ‘Jonny did you get a duck’

 
 
 


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