CHAPTER TWO

          WIMBLEVISION DON CONTEST

                                    Some balls are held for charity
                                    And some for fancy dress
                                    But when they're held for pleasure
                                    They're the balls that I like best
                                    My balls are always bouncing
                                    To the left and to the right
                                    It's my belief that my big balls
                                    Should be held every night
                                                                                                A.Young, M. Young, B.Scott

Wimbledon     202-9               Jack Matthews 4-42, Gagan Kumar 3-33

W&H              205-8               Andrew Murphy 73no,Nadun Alwis 39 won by 2 wkts

After last weeks win against Normandy, there’s a need to clarify the result with apparent talk that the match report missed a few vital aspects of the game and over played the importance of the camels in the eventual win. However, the main discussion in the fourth team camp during the week was if an antique dealer went into an antique shop would he say to the shop keeper what’s new?  There was lengthy debate using all forms of modern communication throughout the team.  Even though the WHCB (Woking & Horsell Cricket Board), no not that large wooden thing leaning against the shed but the club’s respected executive committee have banned tweeting before big matches the practice still continued. M, Munge or Andrew to his mother and wife has been fined two packets of Monster Munch, a can of tango and suspended for two matches a packet of dry roasted peanuts as he tweeted he thought it would be ridiculous for Mike to do match reports. Personally I think he should have got a more severe punishment.

On the technology front its use was fundamental in the Wimbledon match.  There was a couple of instances of no balls not being enforced properly. Jack had problems with his length whereas Steve had problems with his bounce.  Jack first few balls flew so high over the batsman head (beamers) that when the ball came down it had a couple of Sparrows and a Happy Birthday balloon on it.  However, after an inspirational chat from the new bowling coach at first slip  Jack bowled marvellously and got more swing than Ronnie Scott’s nightclub.

However Steves’ problem with his balls was the lack of bounce or any real movement through the air. It happened half through the Wimbledon innings when M, Munge or Andrew to his mother and wife throw the ball at the stumps in a run out attempt. Unfortunately Steve backed the throw with a part of the anatomy that is more delicate than other parts of the body.  He went down like a sack of potatoes ready for the chip pan. This was a vital stage in the match.  As the skipper was incapacitated the Vice made the T sign with his arms and called for the Decision Review System to see if Steve was no balling.  Thankfully the Sky team had set up all the necessary gear and we had access to the zoom in, hot spot and snicko.  The Zoom in was inconclusive but hot spot showed flaming balls of fire. There was a radiation overload. Whilst waiting for the decision on the big screen ’Burning Love’ was played over the Tannoy (Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love………). After some delay snicko confirmed there was a vibration and in fact Steve did not have a no ball problem but now had three!

A tough target was set against arguably the best opening bowling attack the openers have faced this year. Amazing effort from the openers, they wear the W&H lion badge with pride, they are heroes.  W&H lost three early wickets for not a lot, M, Munge or Andrew to his mother and wife dug deeper than the foundations of the Empire State Building. With vital partnerships with Sagar, Nadun and Indy 500mph W& H produced a massive victory against a strong club with aspirations to win the league.

On a sour note and breaking news this morning there have been apparently allegations of spot fixing in the match.  At  this stage there are no substance to the claims but looking at the evidence in the cold light of day all doesn’t seem quite right but this is still early in the investigations. It relates to Jack’s last three balls of his 10 over spell. Taking a wicket with the fourth ball of his tenth over a W&H player fielding on the boundary next to the opposition team and clubhouse shouted out take a hat trick Jack, he did so. The Aussie bar and website chairman with Scottish ancestry cannot be named for legal reasons until investigations are completed. Therefore its anyone’s guess which one of the eleven players were involved.  Again it’s a coincidence this unknown player which we will call J was seen with the opposition on the phone. Was it to Blue Square, not sure but Jonny had stars in his pants and not blue squares as first thought. With all the congratulations in the world to Jack on his hat trick J celebrated like a man who had won an all expenses paid tour of all W&H’s out grounds. Odd, but not at the time as we were all delirious and had more excitement than a teenager on his first date. However, Mrs Mc (her full name cannot be mentioned for legal reasons, she should be more aware of that than anyone) turned up later during the our innings wearing a new dress with shiny new handbag. Um?!!  Did they go back home with the team, no, again not odd at the time but looking back now it does seem so. Apparently they wanted to be dropped off at a station to catch a train to London. Is Wimbledon not in London, was he going to meet his accomplices? Was he going to collect or spend his winnings. Um, very strange, you make your mind up. Lets hope its all mere coincidence.

Eurovision winner                   Jack Matthews hat trick, well done mate

Engelbert Humperdinck          Steve, Ouch, please release them

 

 

 
 
 


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