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Welcome to the Woking and Horsell Cricket Club website

But I still see
Jamie & Sagar giving it some more
And when Indy scored
Jack & Jon’s new ball beaming
And Billy Screaming (for *@>! Sake Angus!)

One lion on the W&H shirt
Ice cold beer gleaming
Steve’s games of hurt
Never stopped me dreaming

I know that was then
But it could be again
W&H 4s played at home
Cricket is coming home
                Trad arr!!   

Dulwich    147ao        Indikta Fernando 6-48
W&H        115-9        Jamie McMahon 35        W&H losing draw

A few players approached the editor stating there was too much cricket in last week’s match report and one player had the audacity to state there wasn’t enough. It’s always hard to get the balance right especially when the adrenaline is flowing in the excitement of the occasion. Anyway, why let the facts get in the way of a good story? I have been approached by Disney to convert last week’s match into a feature length movie, it is unknown whether it would be in an animated format or not but they reckon it could be bigger than Harry Potter. I’m not comfortable with this as I would be selling out by profiteering from stories of my team mates. Therefore, I have declined the lucrative contract so I can continue to look my team mates in the eyes when I write rubbish about them.

Before the Dulwich game we had some injury doubts. Steve and Munge were not available. Twelve months of constant cricket was taking its toll on their bodies and were both feeling nasty niggles. I hasten to add their own and not each other’s, however there is a rumour….. Therefore, W&H implemented its sensible rotation policy of leaving out their two top run scorers and bringing in a bowler, Paul Fortescue and all-rounder, Matt Allan, who was playing his first game of the season and was rustier than two disused shipyards. Apparently, Steve wrote about his displeasure of the decision in the Johannesburg local press, it didn’t matter as no one read it. M sneezed once two weeks ago last Wednesday so had to be left out.

Indy ‘I’ve been to Rio’ Fernando tweeted during the week his disapproval of not being picked in the original squad. He felt it was a disgrace after a year and half of service at the club to be treated with such disrespect and pick some bloke called Ano who had only played a handful of games of Brian Lara’s cricket on the PlayStation instead. Mike standing in for Steve at the press conference felt it was a waste Indy just being a squad member and only bringing out the drinks, albeit the beakers were a lovely assortment of bright colours, which made it tempting for him to do so.

On match day Mike proudly wearing the W&H one lion on the shirt lead his team out through the Westfield tunnel with their official team escorts whilst a dance combo of One lion and Jerusalem was playing. Embarrassingly the escorts were older than Angus and Jack and taller than most of the players.  The first time in history a team escort had to be CRB checked to allow them to accompany senior players onto the pitch.  The reception of the crowd towards the players as they emerged from the tunnel was bigger than the 1969 Apollo 11 astronauts tic a tape celebration. Some blokes react differently as you hear the crowd, we never know how Gagan felt as he turned up so late.

On a wet stodgy pitch the ball was not coming onto the bat and W&H bowled and ground fielded fantastically, which included three run outs. Indy 500mph was the pick of the bowlers and bowled 17.5 consecutive overs, in fact he bowled all the overs bar four from the same end. Unfortunately every time he took a wicket he pulled out a piece of paper which was longer than the dead sea scrolls to protest W&H rotation policy and the criticism he received in the fishing monthly journal ‘I’ve got a big bait so look at me’ and others towards him. Yea Mike, Big baiters, Viv Richards, my next door neighbour’s goldfish, the BBC team of Springwatch, Bob Dylan, Woking Borough Council, the Tea ladies, Greengrocers of Kidderminster, the Olympic Torch Bearers, the Shipping Forecast Producers, Torquay Mackerel Fisherman, the News Night Newsreaders, half a dozen Westies and a Dalmatian, the Baggage Handlers of Heathrow (but not Gatwick for some reason), UK Carrot Farmers, the Signalman at Clapham junction, the Globes Shakespearean actors for the production of The Tempest, the Hairy Bikers, the two Greedy Italians, Delia Smith, Tigger, Piglet, The Muppets, Top Cat, Hong Kong Phooey, Homer Simpson, the M25 cone patrollers, The Skegness Tourist Board, The Spanish Banks, Rangers FC Administrators, The cast of Glee, Radio Ulster, the Inhabitants of the Pitcairn Islands, The Tower of London’s Ravens, The Savoy hotel’s head chef, Sky’s weather girls, Barack Obama, Plumbers of Stockport and the W&H rotation selection committee talk Nah. By his second let alone his sixth wicket we all felt the pain of the criticism he had received from the aforementioned. Unfortunately in all his emotion I couldn’t get the opportunity to tell him he was never going to be left out for Ano.

With the air now clear and tea ladies forgiven as otherwise an impasse was brewing rather than the tea. I didn’t realise the intense motivation of the situation and intend to do it every week if it brings a 6 wicket haul from Indy. I suggest the players bring a good book or their I-pod with them if he goes off on one again. With the exception of Jamie, whose pockets were checked before he went out to bat as apparently he had issue with the cast of Neighbours and Skippy the Kangaroo the team couldn’t get going due to accurate bowling and a sluggish pitch. Although it did feel a bit flat afterwards as it was a winnable target to chase the positive was that we remain unbeaten and can compete with teams challenging for the title. Boom!!!

Back of the net    Indy’s fantastic bowling performance shut up the doubters!

Penalty miss    Angus not allowed back to club as Mike fell 97 short of that elusive hundred!

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